BAD SIR ROBIN TREASURY

by A.A.Milne [with some help from Keith Johnson]

Sir Robin banked some bonuses with great big options

As he went among the citizens and bilked them till they bled.

On Wednesday and on Saturday,

Especially on the latter day,

He vaunted o’er the populace - and this is what he said:

"I am Sir Robin!" (Ring the till!)

"I am Sir Robin!" (Rubber stamp!)

"I am Sir Robin,

"With my cold-faced lying!

"I’ll take that, and that, and that!"

Sir Robin traded inside and practiced tax evasion;

A pair of dodgy doings of which he was particularly fond.

On Tuesday and on Friday,

Just to make the books look tidy,

He would edit the accounts with a fiddle-stick wand.

AS IT WAS

This online magazine started as a means of setting out the research that I had been undertaking on my Family History in the period to 2009. 

I had found that trying to consolidate the work in a single word document was clumsy and that the overlaps between the families made it more appealing to develop partially independent story lines.

Working online story by story seemed more sensible and adaptable to the fairly constant revisions that were necessary as the work peaked.

Tekapo Lupins - Ballachulish Bluebells

[Photo by Shannon Doyle]

FOR THE EVER-WALKING MAN IN THE WOOLLY BEANIE

Little man, you are walking

To a blank and darkened sky

Step by step advancing

However much you try.

Little man, you are blinking

Averting thus my smile

Step by step retreating

A fearful distant mile.

Little man are you thinking

Of times of joy that passed

Or are you just avoiding

The fact that nothing lasts?

Little man existing

No one takes your eye

Not even chance for grieving

As strangers pass you by.

SHAME AND GUILT

I have tried to ignore the Oscar Pistorius Trial. It is really not my sort of thing. I often get up and leave the lounge when a murder or autopsy TV programme starts sets of foreboding music, the shadows deepen and the stairs or morgue freezer tracks creek.

I can just about get through a Wallander episode as the acting is so good and I can divert myself by trying to pick correspondences between English and spoken Swedish. Anything about vampires is definitely out.

PARADING THE TATTOO

Things are still pressured here at KJ-WNZ what with the Royal Tour and the fact that our Fashion Editor Freya is having a baby. Freya was working on a story about Normcore Fashion and I have had to take that up. As for the Royals, you will remember that our veteran reporter Six o’clock O’Reilly was supposed to stake out the Kilbirnie Tavern for an exclusive with Prince William’s Private Equerry Hon. Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton.

WAXING LYRICAL

As a SYM [Surrogate Yummy Mummy / Stay at home Dad], who regularly uses my wife’s underarm deodorant because I forget to buy my own and get confused about the difference between the male and female versions, I am utterly appalled at the hexism exhibited by the new Veet Advertising Video “Don’t risk dudeness”. And further discombobulated by the subsequent smart-ass comments from the Feminine Establishment.

POOR NEW ZEALAND UNABLE TO PULL ITS WEIGHT INTERNATIONALLY

According to the OECD figures for Official Development Assistance [that is development aid providing concessional finance and/or technical assistance], New Zealand provided US$ 0.46 billion in the year to April 2013. This was marginally more than Luxembourg $0.43 billion and not that much more than virtually bankrupt Greece $0.32 billion.

NOSTRUMS, POTIONS AND BLOOD-LETTING

At eight in the morning of February 2, 1685, Charles the Second of England [aged 54] had a stroke during his morning shave by his barber.

A RIGHT ROYAL PALAVER

It’s been a hell of a morning at KJ-WNZ. We are all running flat-tack and topping the slurry sump trying to cover the Royal Tour. I even put some retreads on our veteran reporter Six o’clock O’Reilly, as he has a knack for bar-room gossip and leaks. Last I heard, he told me that he had a lead [from a fellow former Grub Street journo] that the Prince’s Equerry was expected to hang out at the Kilbirnie Tavern after the entourage’s plane had landed.
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